AANA and Parkdale Mark 10 Years of Strengthening Recovery for CRNAs

Seeking help isn’t easy, especially in a profession where stigma and fear often keep people silent. That’s why timing and confidentiality matter so much. For Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists (CRNAs), also known as nurse anesthesiologists, and Registered Resident Nurse Anesthetists (RRNAs) dealing with substance use disorder—or for colleagues and loved ones worried about someone—the partnership between AANA and Parkdale Center for Professionals provides a specialized, confidential path to support. 

AANA and Parkdale’s strategic partnership began in October 2018. As Parkdale reaches its 10-year anniversary, the collaboration continues to center on education, treatment, aftercare, and reentry needs specific to anesthesia professionals. 

At the heart of that support is the AANA Helpline (800-654-5167)—a 24-hour, confidential service answered by trained addiction professionals. Individuals can call for themselves, and colleagues, supervisors, loved ones, and friends can also call for guidance and resources. AANA membership is not required.  

Matt: “I Could Not Stop.”  

Matt, a former CRNA who asked to be identified only by his first name, traces his healthcare career back decades.  

“I started working in healthcare 40 years ago as an orderly at a hospital,” he said. “Within weeks of observing ICU nurses, I thought, ‘That’s what I want to do.’”  

Years later, after he had become a CRNA, diversion entered his story suddenly—and then escalated quickly. After a traumatic experience trying to save the life of a neighbor’s baby who died, Matt began drinking heavily and experiencing panic attacks. He sought therapy and began taking antidepressants. While the medication helped mentally, he was also in physical pain. He began diverting drugs at work.  

“I had this bright idea that I would snort it,” Matt said, recalling a day when he had fentanyl in his pocket at work. “It made me feel better. It helped my anxiety, it helped my back pain, it helped my knee pain, it helped my hands feel better.”  

He tried to talk himself out of what he was doing. “I thought, ‘That’s a one-off. I’ll never do that again,’” he recalled. “And then of course, things started spiraling.”  

As the behavior escalated, so did the rationalizations. He convinced himself he wasn’t harming patients. “I didn’t withhold any drugs from a patient. I just charted that I took more than I did.” 

When describing his diversion, Matt was blunt about both the mechanics and the self-deception. “The patient needs four CCs. I gave the patient four CCs, but I took out eight CCs and took four home,” he said. “The really scary part about addiction is that you tell yourself these unbelievable lies… and then you believe them.”  

Even as he tried to maintain control, he said the situation left him feeling increasingly trapped. “I knew things were getting bad, but I felt boxed in,” Matt said. “I kept telling myself I could stop and no one would ever find out. I told myself I wasn’t going to hurt my family. All the while, my addiction continued to escalate.”  

Matt remembers both the fear and the relief when his addiction finally came into the open.  

“It’s the most scared I’ve ever been in my life,” he said. “And I also had this immense sense of relief that it was over. Because I couldn’t stop.”  

That night, he told his wife the truth. “I told her I’d been accused of stealing drugs, and that the accusations were true. I also told her I was leaving for rehab the next day.”  

He believes the outcome could have been far worse if it had continued. “I think I would have ended up dead on the bathroom floor at work.”  

Matt said the structure and medical support at Parkdale helped him most in the earliest days of treatment. Trauma-focused therapy and twice-daily recovery meetings gave his days structure when everything else felt out of control. 

“The treatment was comprehensive,” he said. “Everyone reassured me it was going to be okay, and that we were going to figure out a way through this.”  

He also emphasized the importance of being among peers from similar professional worlds. “I was with other CRNAs and anesthesia professionals. We built a strong bond.”  

Rob Hartman: “It Was the First Day I Was Honest with Somebody.”  

Rob Hartman, MSN, CRNA, described years of working around controlled substances before his own addiction began.  

“In 2013, I was a passenger in a car accident,” he said. “I broke my arm, leg, and hand. I had to have surgery.” During recovery, he was prescribed pain medications—and continued taking them even after the physical pain subsided. “What I found was that the pain went away, but I kept taking the narcotic. I liked how it made me feel.” 

Before long, the pills were all he could think about. When he was no longer able to obtain prescriptions, he thought he could taper off on his own.  

“But my supply was dwindling, and withdrawal was right around the corner,” he said. “One afternoon, the last case of the day was canceled, and I had fentanyl to waste. The thought crossed my mind that if I used it, it would help me get off the pills.”  

Instead, he became an IV drug user and began diverting fentanyl from the hospital. “That escalated very quickly,” he said. “I was using in the call room. I was passing out for longer periods of time. I knew either someone was going to find me overdosed—or I was going to get caught.”  

By August 2016, he reached a breaking point. He arrived at the hospital one day to find two colleagues, both physician anesthesiologists and good friends, waiting to confront him. 

“My sobriety date is August 26, 2016,” Hartman said. “It was the first day I didn’t use, but it was also the first day I was honest with somebody.”  

He lost his job that day. He went home, told his wife what had happened, and didn’t know what else to do. For the first time in his life, he said, he prayed. Soon after, he remembered AANA’s peer assistance number, now known as the AANA Helpline. Through that call, he was connected to treatment at Parkdale.  

“I thought I was a bad person,” he said. “As soon as I arrived at Parkdale, I was told, ‘You’re not a bad person trying to get good. You’re a sick person trying to get well.’” 

Hartman’s advice for those who suspect a colleague is struggling is direct. “You have to speak up,” he said. “Talk to HR. Talk to your manager. Call the AANA Helpline and try to get that person some help.”   

Hartman and Matt came to addiction and recovery in different ways, but they shared one point clearly: things can escalate fast, and having a confidential way to reach trained, individualized help matters. 

If you’re concerned about yourself or someone else, call the AANA Helpline at 800-654-5167 for 24/7, confidential support.